Today Marcus' sister Stephanie and her two little girls left our house to head back home from their four-day visit. It has unleashed a host of emotions for me (I keep saying all due to pregnancy;))
Because our house has been under construction since we have lived here it has yet to feel like a home to me. We still live out of boxes and haven't fully unpacked from last May when we moved to Minnesota. With family far away and friends far and few between here I have really struggled with this last move.
Moving is never easy but this move has really taken it out of me. Marcus and I were looking forward to living somewhere longer than 8 months and had high hopes of really settling into Minnesota for a few years. Instead we have found ourselves incredibly homesick and longing to be near those we love.
It is a combination of living in a place where everyone has family (seriously EVERYONE) and social needs are already being met, stay-at-home moms are not very common, and living in a ward that isn't super... cohesive?? (very nice people but not that "family away from family" feel - example: no sports for the ladies, enrichment each month consists of me and two other sisters besides the presidency, no play groups, very few activities in general).
Reagan STILL asks to move back to Indiana so she can have friends again which has been so hard. I am sure this is only the beginning of having heartache in behalf of your child but it just about kills me when she is crying because she just wants a friend. Another worry is surviving with another new baby. I try not to think about this one because it is overwhelming to me.
So I am going to assume I am not the only one that has felt this way. What do you do? Do any of you have suggestions? I am reaching desperation point. With the economy spiraling downward and with our current commitment to Marcus' job moving is not an option. How do you find friends for your family and kids? How can we turn our situation around? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Friday, March 6, 2009
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Posted by Brittanie at 2:48 PM
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Lauren cried as we were landing and I asked her why (personally I think it was because she was really tired) she said, "I'm glad to be home." As we were walking down the terminal she said, "I want to go back to Marcus and Brittanie's house." I said, "I thought you were glad to be home." She said, "I changed my mind."
I joined a MOMS Club. It helped when I felt lonely with my ward. I would say some of my closest friends here are from that club. You can find one near you by going to: http://www.momsclub.org/join.html
Brittanie, I know it is easy to blame everything on the pregnancy, I always did:) I am hoping you are able to draw closer as a family, which is what we did in Gillette. I would love to talk to you about those times. We really do have a choice in how we handle things. It doesn't sound like things are going how you had hoped. I am sorry. I am glad you have your girls. Sometimes having a routine with certain things to do can help, ie story time at the library or home, art projects, fhe, letters to grandmas, walk around the block (bundle up!) . I know you will work through this because discouragement is a horrible lonely no good place to be!!! We think of you guys and love you! Tammi
Brittanie: Will you email me your new address?? Thanks!
Congrats on having a boy!! And a trip to Florida! That sounds luxurious about now. I can't wait for spring or summer for that matter. I'm sorry about Minnesota. It's hard moving from a place you love to a place you'd rather do without. Have you prayed for a nice family to move into the ward that you can be friends with? One friend/family may make all the difference.
Okay, I'm apologizing in advance for the long entry...
It's so sad that a ward can make such a difference in how easy of a move you have, but it's so true! I think your experience now is good only for the fact that it will forever make you more aware of the people that move in to your future wards. They'll really love and appreciate the effort you'll extend to make them feel welcome. People that haven't had the "moving opportunity" don't understand the loneliness that can accompany it. And I'm not picking on those that live around family, but in my experience, the people who live around family don't extend themselves as much as those who don't. Maybe you were never that person, but I'd bet you'll never become that person either because of how you feel right now.
So, things we did to make friends for our kids...I'm sure you've done most of this already, but I extended invitations to others to hang out (which were often turned down, just a side note.) Have you thought about trying to organize a ward play group? I bet you're not the only person who is feel isolated in that frigid, frigid weather. Hold it at the church gym, bring lots of big rubber balls and let the kids go nuts. Even if only one person shows up, it will give your kids a chance to play with other kids. And as you do it week after week and the word gets out, more people will likely come. Make a flier for it--it will help remind people and may eventually get someone out.
Last of all, what are your plans for Regan and preschool? Preschool is awesome! My kids have really thrived on the social opportunities there. Most kids don't need preschool for any other reason that just to be with other little people. Does your city recreation center have any of the tot time activities? We've taken advantage of those as well.
It's hard to feel like your kids are sad and lonely. I get sick to my stomach when I think about making our next move. It's going to be very difficult to suddenly lose our close network of friends. But as with all things, I do believe it knits you together tighter as a family and makes you a stronger person individually. So keep up the good work, keep making your efforts, and hang in there!
Oh Britt!
What tragedy to see your sad words. Get involved is the best advice I can think of now(especially considering I have never been close to your situation).
Create a moms group, monthly recipe exchange, preschool, etc.
call if you need to talk..
we love you all!
As others have stated above, I am so sorry to hear that you and your kiddos are feeling so lonely and isolated in Minnesota. I too have felt that before (interestingly enough in Indiana). I can TOTALLY remember thinking, "how am I going to add a newborn to this mix? And a BOY at that?!?" But you know what? It all worked out and ended up being such a blessing. In our 6-month quarantined state at the time ("no one in, no one out" . . . if you remember), our babe became my girls new source of distraction and entertainment. They LOVED Ashton and they truly became mommy's little helpers. I have so many sweet memories of us, sitting on the couch cuddled together, snuggling and loving on this new baby. Though it was a very difficult time in our lives, the Lord helped me find some sweetness amidst the trial.
Though some of our circumstances differ, I know the feelings of isolation, loneliness and disappointment are the same. Remember the Lord is aware of you and that He will send you the inspiration you need to not only "get through" this experience, but to learn from it and - in the future - ease another's load when THEY are in this situaion.
Love you, Brit! You are in our thoughts and prayers! (and we're so excited you're having a BOY!)
Sorry!! It is hard adjusting to a new place. We don't have kids, but it has still taken me some time to adjust to married life and the new house, ward, etc. Luckily, we have an overly friendly ward, neighborhood. I wish I had some brilliant ideas, but that is rare:) Hopefully the spring and summer will bring some people out of hibernation. Try to plan play groups, have people over for dinner, etc. Maybe try the library??? Maybe some kids go there for summer reading programs? Is there any summer camps for kids??? Try a book club or dinner club??? I don't know. I hope it gets better soon. If you need anything just let me know. Love and miss ya!
Brittani I am so sorry you are struggling. I have a hard time each move we have made and it always takes me so long to warm up. (I felt like I was just starting to figure out things after 2 years here!)
Anyway, we miss you tons and you are welcome to come visit us (and all your other Indiana friends) anytime. We even have a place for you to stay now! I know everyone would love to see you!
Britt,
Thank you for your post. Moving is so hard isn't it? There is no place like home! Our move out here was a hard one for me but my best advice is to get involved and give it time. The TIME one is hard. But I have found for me that it takes me time to feel comfortable, time to build relationships and time to adjust to change. I am sure you realize that, but I feel like in the midst of trying to adjust to so much NEW you'll all the sudden realize one day how much good new has happened.
I sure love ya, and miss you! I wish we were neighbors and could hang out with each other everyday!
Lauren
so i realize you posted awhile ago and you don't know me very well at all, but i know exactly what you are going through. jared and i moved out to surprise az and had nooneat all. it took about a year for mr to start feeling better about our situation. i was pregnant as well with my third and it was really hard. my only suggestion, if you can't find friends in the church try a bookstore reading time or a ballet class for the girls. some sort of outing for all of you once a week. maybe there are some neighbors...plus you have summer coming up and i'm sure people will be out and about more. it is hard at first ,especially being pregnant, tired, hormonal, it will get better just pray and give it a little more time. maybe a new family will move into your ward and it will be just what you need.
Brittanie,
I am so sorry that it's been so hard this last time. Our ward really IS hard to get into. We've lived here 5 years and I haven't been able to make any really close friends either. In fact it wasn't until just this last year that anyone at all ever even invited us to their home. I'm guilty myself as well because our home is so little, and I do feel awkward inviting people to my "trailer park", (even though my home is nice) and until Joel was laid off he was sleeping during the day so we had to be quiet here.
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that it's not just you that feels this way about our ward, so find those who do and cling to them! You can make it what you want it to be, you just have to find those who will help you :)
And I think that some people here have given you some great advice that you don't have to look for close friends within the ward or church. Mom groups can be great for meeting other mom's with kids your kids ages. Reagan is old enough now she can start T-ball or soccer in the city you live in and the city sports are pretty affordable.
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